Written by Dad AKA Jonathan Virant.
Not too long ago, Nicole and I went out to eat with another couple, Michael and Sam. We’re pretty close to this couple. In fact, they are the godparents to little P. Michael and Sam always want to hear stories about the kids and all the shenanigans they are getting into. On this evening in particular, I bragged about how E really has an interest in the U.S. Presidents. A-Rock Obama, George W. Bush, Bill Chicken, George W. Bush’s dad, Ronald Dragon—yep, she’s knows them all. I told this couple how she likes Abraham Lincoln the most because she thinks he was some sort of magician and her least favorite is James Buchannan because in her own words, “he didn’t do nothin’.”
Eventually, Michael asked about Hillary Clinton. They asked if it would be important to E if Hillary was elected president. What was interesting about their question is I had just asked E the same question not too long before that. E and I watched Nancy Reagan’s funeral and at the funeral, George W. Bush made an appearance along with Michelle Obama and Hillary Clinton. I explained who these people were to E and explained that Hillary was running for president. I told E that Hillary would most likely win the election and be the first female president. I said to E, “isn’t it cool that Hillary will be the first president who is a woman?” Her response was an unemotional, “why?” I said because no other woman had done this before. Her response caught me off guard. She seemed really unphased by this idea, which surprised me and I felt good that for E, gender didn’t matter in who was most qualified to be president. Ignorantly, I believed that perhaps for E’s generation, boys and girls were equal. Anyway, I told all of this to Michael and Sam. And in typical Jonathan-fashion, I reversed the scenario around on my friends and said, “to be fair, I wouldn’t want Sarah Palin to be president, even if she were the first woman to be president.” All agreed with me of course as do most people when I speak. At the time I really thought this, that gender didn’t have a place in the election. Why should it matter I thought?
Fast forward a few weeks. A was playing on the carpet with her Batman guys when a preview came on the TV for the new Ghostbusters movie. Without missing a beat, A jumped up from the ground and put her hands to her sides and wiggled around, dancing and singing (?) Ghostbusters. In fact she told me when she grew up, she was going to be a Ghostbuster. I idolized the Ghostbusters when I was a kid and much like her love for Batman, this too made me feel great and really connected with A. However, these weren’t the Ghostbusters I knew. A few months prior when the trailer for the new Ghostbusters appeared online, I joined the chorus of negative comments, agreeing that simply replacing the four original male Ghostbusters with four female Ghostbusters amounted to tokenism.
But, after seeing how excited A was to see the Ghostbusters—her Ghostbusters—on screen and the fact that she said she was going to be one, I needed to reconsider my thoughts on this concept of tokenism. What was so bad about replacing the four male Ghostbusters with four females? I mean these women are funny and the concept is pretty simple, shoot and trap ghosts. So, why not change things up? I wasn’t going to lose anything. I still had my Ghostbusters and A would have hers and they already had an enormous impact on her much like mine did on me. Who knows maybe hers will also have an impact on me as well? All I know is though I would’ve donated a lung to see Bill Murray don a proton pack one more time, I’m not sure old-man Murray at the age of 65 trapping ghosts would have had nearly the same effect on A as these young women with proton packs seem to have had.[1] If I found myself reversing my feelings on the new Ghostbusters movie than the logical part of my brain started to question my initial stance on Hillary Clinton’s historical candidacy. Was I hypocrite to think it’s important that females portray Ghostbusters for A, but that gender should play no role in choosing the president? I went back and forth on this. But, there is a difference I thought. Ghostbusters is fake, the movie won’t kill anyone, however, the president literally makes life and death decisions. With that said though, there have been crappy presidents and they have all been men. Will the world end if Hillary is elected and is a crappy president? Probably not. So, with that said maybe the fact that she is woman should be considered important, a milestone for the county (Put aside all talk of Trump for this article). I have big doubts that Hillary will be a good president or even a good role model, but that’s not really the point. I don’t think it matters so much what type of person Hillary or even someone like Sarah Palin is if one of them were to become president. What matters is that by being president, these women show my girls that they can be empowered to hold the biggest job on the planet. And as a dad, having my girls feel empowered to pursue whichever career they want is one of the most important things I can think of. [1] A and I were at the store recently. I told her she could get a toy and she wanted to get a Ghostbuster. I will say this about the new movie, the tie-in toys are lightyears ahead of the toys I had growing up for the original movies. The action figure likeness to the character in the film is amazing and they even issued the original Ghostbusters along with the new ones. There A was analyzing the Kate McKinnon Ghostbuster in detail as I analyzed the Bill Murray one. Truth-be-told, I wanted to get all of them, new ones, old ones—everything. They all looked cool. A chose a Supergirl-inspired Barbie doll instead. Blah.
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Written by Mom AKA Nicole Virant.eCertainly life has its ups and downs. Whether it’s your relationship, job, personal development or family, we all experience the joys and struggles in life. When my husband lost his job in October, it came as a complete surprise. He was excited to start a new job that offered a promotion at a new college. Little to his knowledge after working there for six weeks, he was told there was an organizational restructure and he would be laid off. One of our biggest downs eventually became one of our biggest ups. What initially seemed like a blow to our family actually brought many positive lessons and growth. I’ve been reflecting over this encounter and have heard so many similar stories of struggles, so I thought it would be helpful to share my experience. 1. Never underestimate the power of your personal community We had friends, neighbors, coworkers and family who provided support throughout this time. It makes my heart full to know that we are surrounded by those who care and go out of their way to help lift others up when they are down. It’s easy when you are in a situation not to want to ask for help. Maybe you don’t think you need it, maybe you are embarrassed, whatever the case is helping one another is one of the main reasons we are on this planet together. 2. Good things come out of bad situations In other words, stay positive! After having a few beers and a burger at a local burger joint, Jon’s coworker, Bob (an accountant in his seventies) shared that sometimes bad things happen so good things can. This might seem simple, but it is so true. Although it’s no fun going through tough times, there’s a brighter tomorrow right around the corner. 3. Greater respect and appreciation for my husband. A layoff not only affects you financially, but more so emotionally. In just a day, Jon went from being the main provider to being a stay-at-home dad. Now arguably the stay-at-home parenting business is one of the most respected and difficult jobs around.However the lack of the stability of a job and the stress surrounding finances, health insurance and the like, quickly increased tensions and the fear of the unknown. Most men wouldn’t be able to handle such a transition. Jon did it with ease. In fact, I think he actually manages the household and kids better than me most days. He interviewed and got rejected. More interviews and more rejections. The whole process is frustrating when looking for a new job, but he remained positive. He’s also acquired quite a few stories of what not to do during the interview process if the company wants to impress a prospective employee. What amazed me is even through this experience, he remained strong, focused and determined to do what is best for our family and himself. I admire his courage and strength. 4. Building a stronger relationship I’d like to think, if the world suddenly was overthrown by aliens, Jon and I would come out triumphant or at least die laughing together. We seem to do particularly well together under stress, with the exception of directions and driving. Imagine your partner and you are on the show Naked & Afraid, (the show where you are sent to a jungle with one item and zero clothes) and you just have each other to survive. I kind of feel like it was a similar experience because we had to be creative on how to find solutions to our new problems. Just like any other couple over time, you eventually become complacent. Routine after routine, things remain the same, you get bored….you get the picture. Difficult times allow for a renewal of your relationship. There were arguments, tears and several tough moments, but these helped us rise to the occasion. Part of being in a relationship is helping lift your partner up when they need you. We most certainly did just that. I am more in love with him. He’s closer with the kids. And he’s one helluva of a husband. 5. Value what you have and remember what’s truly important We live in a “gimme world” gimme this, gimme that! You see the pictures on Facebook of the vacations, the new cars, and the new whatever. None of that crap matters. None of it. You appreciate the house over your head, the fact you are able to have food. You really take off the lens of the consumer world we live in, and truly value what you have. Your family, your health and your happiness are far greater things than material wants. It’s can be easy to forget this. 6. Put yourself to the test and come out feeling like a boss Jon was the main income for our family. I had been working part-time, so we had to quickly come up with some ways to pay the bills as we surely couldn’t afford everything on just my income. Coincidentally, I took a new job that same week and began hustling to make sure we could cover our bills and make things work. Some weeks were tough. The change from being a part-time stay-at-home mom to full-time was excruciating some days. I remember nights of crying with Jon because I missed the kids so much. Sometimes you just gotta do what you just gotta do. Each week I reminded myself this was only temporary and the girls were fortunate to have daddy at home. I’d remind myself that the girls weren’t in daycare and to try to remember the good parts about the situation instead of allowing myself to drown in a pool of tears. We were able to pay the bills and get health insurance which was a huge weight off of our shoulders. 7. If you don’t have to settle, don’t! I remember Jon jokingly saying that he’d take any job that was offered to him. Sure there were low paying jobs, jobs that he’d hate and a good mix of other considerations. This gave Jon the time to think about what sort of a career change would benefit him and allow him to move to a new industry and career. His work experience was only in higher education and with the skills he learned being a supervisor, he was able to translate well into a human resources position at a local hospital. He loves his new job (although it’s new and he has a lot to learn), but already in just under a month he’s been using his unique skillset and providing invaluable services to his organization. When things don’t go as planned, let it be an opportunity. Take the time to consider all possibilities. Be open to exploring and don’t be afraid to really get to know what you want in life. Written by Grandma Barb (AKA Jon's Mom)Growing up in the 60's and 70's really was like the show The Wonder Years. Kids played outside until the street lights went on and there were at least two or three moms around in case there was an emergency in the neighborhood. The best part about growing up during the “Wonder Years” was watching TV. Parents didn’t have to worry about ratings and kids shows were on early in the evening. It was taken for granted that everything on TV was “ok’. The most violence kids watched were westerns, which after watching, was repeated in the neighborhood before the street lights went on. I watched everything, from The Brady Bunch to American Bandstand. I was the youngest of four girls so TV was truly a babysitter for my family and a place that was my “go to” for just about everything. I mean, I thought for sure The Partridge Family was a “real” family who decorated a cool, old, school bus and drove around the country singing. Room 222 and Walt Whitman High was the high school that I wanted to attend once I reached 10th grade, although how I was going to convince my parents to move to Los Angeles was another story. I wanted to move to New York because Anne Marie did it and That Girl had a great apartment and a different job every episode. Of course, as I hit my teens, Happy Days, took me back to the fifties. I loved watching Happy Days because of the poodle skirts and happy times. The first episode my mom and I watched together, Mom decided the scene with Fonzy showing another guy how to unlatch a girl’s bra using a radiator was not appropriate. What was appropriate during that same time slot was All In The Family; a progressive show with the lead character being a bigot. Oh yes, there was a lot of laughing from 7:00-7:30 on Tuesday nights in our house although I didn’t get the humor.. Speaking of time slots, I am still able to tell you what night shows were on from about 1967-1975 and their theme songs. Yes, all shows had their own theme song; many times, major celebrities singing them. Fast forward to the year 1981. That year my husband and I married. Within three years we added two children, a boy Jonathan and a girl Jackie. A few years later we bought a house and both kids had their own rooms. I don’t remember exactly when TVs entered their bedrooms but I do remember they both had them. Because my “Wonder Years” included TV watching (and a lot of it) I never felt the need to censor what my kids watched. Truly, I thought how harmful can it be? Did I add that both kids also had VCRs? What was I thinking? What was my husband thinking? But wait, the kids did turn out OK, at least we think they did. Our family has grown since 1981 to include a daughter and son-in-law, Nicole and Billy, as well as three beautiful little grand daughters, E, A, and P. Weirdly enough, our son “the TV and movie watching boy,” has now become the entertainment Gestapo. For example, Uncle Buck; never in my wildest dreams did I think that watching this funny movie, with E and A, would evolve into a blog about Grandparents lack of censorship. This past Saturday, E and A slept over at Grandma and Grandpa's house (or Joey as Grandpa is lovingly called). They begged to watch the new PeeWee Herman movie on Netflix. Before the Uncle Buck fiasco, I would have said yes and let them watch. Now, knowing that I might be a target for MomvsDad, I quickly called dad and asked for permission. Jonathan asked if I had previewed it and of course I hadn’t; just like I hadn’t previewed anything he watched. He turned out OK, right? He told me that I needed to fast forward through anything I thought was not fitting. With the remote in hand, I stared at the TV with my finger on the fast forward button. Out of the 1 hour and 15 minutes we watched about an hour. By the way, I did fast forward through the snake scene even though E did mention it to mom, Nicole. I mean, really, everyone knows that PeeWee is afraid of snakes. As parents, we make decisions that affect our children’s outcomes. We wonder who the kids will grow up to be? Will they be lawyers? Teachers? Will they have their own home? Two cars? Get married? Families? Their health? This parent knows, even with TVs and VCR’s, her kids turned out OK. About the AuthorA natural writer and super mom herself, Barb Virant teaches special education and loves her family more than anything. She enjoys spending time reading, and hanging with her husband and dog Snickers. You can catch her at the local fish fry on Fridays.
Written by DadIt’s a question I asked E after hearing her tell A that “Brahms is just a little boy.” E informed me (with Mom present) that she had just seen a commercial for a movie with a boy in it named “Brahms.” I rewound the DVR and sure enough, E was right. Not only was Brahms a little boy, but he was some sort of demon-boy starring in his own movie, aptly titled The Boy. It was another moment where I got the “look.” Every spouse gets the “look.” I don’t really have to define it here. You know it when you see it. It’s true, Nicole is more protective over what the girls watch. However, E, takes after me. When there is a scary movie preview on TV, she wants to always watch it even if it does freak her out. When I was about six-years-old, I can remember in the summer of 1989 seeing a preview for Friday the 13th, part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan. Basically, it was a one scene teaser trailer of Jason Voorhees, the hockey-masked, Crystal Lake killer, standing in front of the Statue of Liberty as the melody to “New York, New York” played in the background. Almost thirty years later, it’s a little ridiculous to watch now, but at the time, it scared me. But I liked to be scared. I still do. With that said, I do make a conscious effort to fast forward these commercials and previews but sometimes I miss one. These commercials obviously don’t play during cartoons on Nickelodeon. However, they do play during live action shows not showing on PBS. Where Nicole would rather have me not play these shows at all in the event I miss a commercial for scary preview, I instead believe in fast forwarding. That’s why the button exists. I’m not a big fan of censorship. I have the theory, the more you censor, the more likely you are to make your kids even more curious. Like people used to say about Richard Nixon, it wasn’t the crime that mattered, it was the cover-up. The girls know scary things exist on TV, but by moderating what they watch as opposed to censoring everything they watch, I do think their curiosity is properly quenched. Does it mean I let them watch Quentin Tarantino films or horror movies? Of course not. Did they see the preview for The Boy? Yes. Did it keep them up at night, no. Which brings me to The Middle. If you haven’t seen it, The Middle is probably the best show on TV. It’s funny, relatively clean and has clever writing. It centers on a Midwestern family, surviving day-to-day. A tired concept, maybe, but, it’s funny. Occasionally, the parents do swear. Nothing more than “hell” or “damn,” but it happens. I like The Middle though. It always has a good message for the entire family. Sure, the kids have heard “damn” on The Middle, but they’ve probably heard it from me or Mom or Grandpa as well. It happens. The messages of The Middle are pretty strong and worth the occasional slur. It’s important to talk to the kids, as we have, that swear words are bad. It’s gotten to a point where if they hear a swear word on TV or from someone in real life, they gasp in shock. Obviously, the point has gotten across. I do very much enjoy Star Trek, in particular Star Trek: The Next Generation. In the early ‘90s, it was the show to watch. Captain Picard and his gallant crew encountered different, ethical dilemmas and had to figure out ways through them. It’s a generally timid show and I censor the ones that I think might be too extreme. Yes, the girls know who the Borg are, but we have agreed, the “lady” Borg as they call her is too scary and they don’t like seeing the “baby” Borg. Fair enough. I don’t push it. I have said to Nicole several times, “I watched it as a kid and look how good I turned out.” In the ‘80s, in the wake of the success of the hard R-rated Rambo: First Blood, part 2, a movie where the character Rambo literally blows up Vietnamese soldiers, someone decided it was time to make a children’s cartoon out of the show probably to capitalize on the success of the movie. This happened a lot with violent movies like Rambo. Again though, I turned out fine. Now, it’s true, not everything that was okay then should be okay now, however, not everything that’s okay today should, well, be okay. You as the parent need to censor what’s on the screen not just hide everything. Fast forward. There are so many modern children’s shows that are bizarre and don’t teach anything. They make no sense. You can’t tell me that’s going to be that much better for your child than hearing the occasional “damn.” I think the kids will learn more watching Star Trek: The Next Generation or The Middle than say The Cat in the Hat, Sofia the First, or Odd Squad. However, I will say I have had missteps and I will leave you with this example. Always watch the show ahead of time and never think your kid is too young to catch on to what is being said. E was two-years-old when we first watched Star Trek: Generations. Rated-PG, the movie features a limited number of phaser fights, a bad guy getting blown up off screen, and the swear words, “hell,” “damn,” and “shit,” with “shit” being a newcomer to The Next Generation crew.[1] As the ship is about to crash, Data yells out “oh, shit.” Now, I had seen this movie tons of times before, but hadn’t watched it recently. As soon as Data yelled it out, I immediately looked at E, hoping she hadn’t realized what had just occurred. My hopes were futile. E immediately got on the couch, and started jumping up and down, yelling over and over, “oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.” I told her to keep it down or Mom would hear and never let us watch the movie again. But, the damage was done. You better believe Mom heard and well, we weren’t allowed to watch Star Trek: Generations for quite some time after. The point is, even if you think you know something well enough to show it to your kids, watch it once before you show it. Trust me, you don’t want your kid yelling out “oh, shit” at a moment’s notice. It’s a lot funnier to have them yell at bald men at the grocery store, “there’s Captain Picard!” But, that’s a story for another time. [1] To be fair, I highly doubt anyone will be using the word “shit” in the 24th century though given how far Donald Trump has made it in the Republican primary, I guess anything is possible. Written by Mom.“Damn it all Mina!” yells E, “Damn it, A, you wrecked everything!” Well I can’t be quite sure who to blame for the language. “Damn it” seems to be my go to swear word, since my past colorful language isn’t too acceptable around children. Could it be The Middle? The kids sure watch a lot of that show with Daddy and they pretty regularly say “damn it” and “hell.” What is acceptable TV viewing for children? We all know the whole rating system is a bit of a sham, or at least not a true indicator of whether or not your child should be able to watch something. Jon and I regularly seem to disagree on what is OK for the kids to watch. I can never forget the weekend they came home after seeing Uncle Buck at Grandma and Grandpa’s house. After they had gotten home, Jon had taken them on the weekend shopping excursion to the grocery store and Target and in line our daughter was asking if Jon could buy Uncle Buck for them…and boy did he get some glares. I always kind of assumed that people knew what was “kid-appropriate” and what was not. Certainly, I hadn’t been the only child who fell victim to the extremes of TV viewing. As young as I can remember, my mother let me watch Freddy Krueger and to this day I am scarred for life. As an older kid, I can remember being afraid to go into the basement or if I heard that song…. “One, two Freddy’s coming for you…” I would stop in my tracks in fear. We watched things like Beavis and Butthead or who can forget Ren and Stimpy? Pure filth. Later after my dad got remarried, we weren’t allowed to watch anything that was deemed “unchristian.” So no more Simpsons, no more trashy TV. In fact, anything remotely against our religious values was not allowed. Funny now looking back that we watched a lot of 7th Heaven. Now let’s talk about Jon’s TV viewing as a child. As young as he can remember he could watch whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. He had a TV in his own room and as he would describe it “my parents would buy me any movie I’d want.” Censorship was not something they did, but hey look at him now, he turned out OK. Or at least that is what he’ll tell you. Back to our family. I have a real issues with a lot of the crap on TV these days. Certainly I’m not someone who is very strict about what the kids can and cannot watch. However in many shows, there are themes, actions or things that are said which are not appropriate for young kids to be watching. Even just the commercials on some channels drive me bonkers, but after trying to explain to the kids about our need for consumerism, it fell on deaf ears. Hey, at least my husband got a kick out of it. I’ll never forget the night our oldest watched that stupid Pee-wee movie (I cannot stand Pee-wee. He is creepy). For those of you who have been lucky enough not to watch it, there is a scary scene that builds up as Large Marge is driving a semi-truck and all of a sudden has googly eyes (animated eyes that come out of her sockets with a freaky noise). My daughter was shocked, terrified and shaking after she saw this part. Of course, Jon was apologetic saying he didn’t remember that part or didn’t think it would be THAT scary. Who could forget the time my oldest wanted to watch a certain Batman movie with the penguin. I called Jon and asked if he had been letting E watch this movie, and he reassured me that he fast forwarded all of the bad parts. So I figured, OK, I can let her watch a little bit. No way in hell! We turned it on and literally two minutes into the movie the penguin goes to bite some guy’s nose off! Never again, will I watch anything the girls watch with daddy because it is just terrible, awful stuff that kids shouldn’t be watching. Star Trek, another example on my lists of shows I’m not fond of the children watching. It sometimes has kissing scenes or other weird stuff that is meant for adults who understand the concepts. Daddy has very liberal views on what the kids should watch, where mom leans on the more “better safe than sorry” side of this argument. You can’t take back a scene or inappropriate image, language and other things that are not appropriate for kids. As parents, we should do our due diligence to protect and allow our kids to watch shows that are geared towards their age and emotional responses. They’ll be old enough to start choosing what they want to watch soon enough, but until then this mama is going to make sure it’s kid friendly! This is the first versus blog. Watch for Dad's response next week! We encourage you to join the debate as well!
Written by DadWe just celebrated P’s first birthday, and I was recently reminded of what it was like to have just two kids as I watched A and E roll around in the snow, making a mess of themselves all as P took a rare, lengthy afternoon nap. (Why would the other two nap while the baby napped, right?). Really what was the difference between two and three kids? Anyway, one of the last memories I have with just the two monsters is when we went to the Childhood Safety Center to have a third car seat properly installed into our Honda Pilot. My pregnant wife politely asked if I could manage to get this task done correctly and soon. I happily obliged, crazily enough, even volunteering to bring E and A with me. When we arrived at the center, it was totally dead except for the director and her assistant. I thought that was a good sign, that we would get this thing installed quickly and get the heck out of there. Well, I was wrong. Before I could even end my initial conversation with the director, A was running in a circle and E was chasing her, trying to knock her down, sort of like “Tom and Jerry.” The director took note of this craziness and asked if they could have suckers. This was risky. Obviously, the suckers were short term solutions to calm them down, but long term, they would be even more hyper because of them. I threw the dice. If they could get that seat in quick enough by the time the sugar hit those kids, I would have had them dropped off at daycare. It would be a daycare issue at that point. I didn’t feel too bad, daycare has a giant yard that the kids can run around in and get their energy out. When the director offered what was like an endless supply of suckers to the kids, A grabbed two and bolted for their conference room. E whined that she only got one, and naturally, the director said she could have another. The director and the assistant director then proceeded to the garage to install the seat. By the time, I reached the conference room, E had already erased what important notes were on the board and was scribbling some gibberish in its place. A good twenty five minutes passed when suddenly the director came into the building from the garage and waved me over. I left the kids in the conference room. The conference room had a window so I could see them even after I left. When I reached the director, she asked me if I had a preference as to who sat in the middle. All the kids would have to sit right in a row. This concerned me because I suddenly realized, they hadn’t even started taking out the car seats. I said which position is the safest? The director said whoever sits in the middle is going to be the most protected. Just as she said that I looked over to the conference room and saw E push A to the ground. I looked at the director and said A really needs that middle seat. After another twenty minutes, the director came to get us. We all sort of walked to the garage. I say sort of because E insisted on being carried because A tried to bite her. When we arrived in the garage, one of the girl’s seats was still on the ground. They had to have the girls sit in the seat on the cement. Not really sure why, all I know is when I told E to sit down, she panicked and kept yelling “I don’t want to sit, I don’t want to sit, don’t make me sit in that car seat!” The directors relented and said that was fine. A, however, agreed and when she sat down, she noticed everyone was looking at her. A let her lip fall and began slowing and randomly crying. Then E laughed, which only made A angry and she yelled “stop laughing E!” When the director and assistant director finally got the seats into the truck, they told me that the girl’s winter coats weren’t safe because when the belt tightened against them, it creates an air bubble that wasn’t tight and wouldn’t protect them in an accident. I asked what they suggested. No joke, they suggested instead of winter jackets, each girl should wear three or four layers of fleeces a piece. In Wisconsin, in winter. Okay, I just wanted to get out of there, so I loaded the kids in the truck in December without winter coats. As E sat down, she grabbed my face, smiled psychotically and said “and where is my winter coat Daddy?” I quietly told her to just sit down, put the seat belt on and we would get more candy. E happily did as I told her. A on the other hand was confused by the new seating arrangement. As I tried to buckle A into the middle seat, I could hear the women talking about how patient I was. A started to freak out again as we couldn’t get the seatbelt on. I pleaded with her to just sit down and be quiet and again, she’d get more candy. Miraculously, it worked. I quickly got in the truck, thanked the director and her assistant and headed towards the daycare with my loopy kids in their newly installed seats. Although there were two kids in the back, there were now three seats. I thought, if it’s this crazy with two, what will it be like with three? However, a year later, I can safely say, the biggest difference between two and three is only one. Written by MomWhat is it about crying that gets people in such a fuss? Have you heard well intentioned parents tell their kids ‘you don’t have to cry,’ ‘don’t cry honey’ or ‘crying is for babies’? Crying is healthy, it’s powerful and allows a release of feelings that sometimes you can’t even put into words. Especially for kids who are still learning and experiencing their emotions, crying is helpful to process those feelings. Kids cry for all sorts of reasons, she might be over tired, not feeling well or maybe she just happened to get hurt. Small side bar: We found out as first-time parents what a difference it makes when your child gets hurt and your reaction to it. Thanks to our lovely pediatrician, we learned that if you make a big deal out of it, the child reacts to your reaction. Pretend nothing happened, and voila you get little to no reaction. So start getting in the habit of not responding with an “oooh!” or a sad sounding “are you ok?” and you might be pleasantly surprised with your child’s reaction. Ok-back to the topic at hand. This is E. She is our oldest and for a five year old is pretty good at recognizing her feelings. The whole “it’s your birthday you can cry if you want to” always applies even when it’s not her stinkin’ birthday. E is sometimes labeled as the sensitive child and happens to cry more than our other children. She gets embarrassed easily and when she gets frustrated it can quickly escalate into crying. Most times she prefers to be left alone and will come back out once she is done experiencing her meltdown. Any efforts of trying to talk or soothe her usually just turns into shrieking or louder sobbing. I remember telling E how I cried after I had her in the hospital and she just couldn’t understand asking me, “Mama, why did you cry? Were you sad?” I tried explaining the concept of sometimes you are just so happy that you cry. Giving birth was one of the most pivotal and happiest times of my life. However, explaining this to a child isn’t the easiest. Perhaps once she’s a bit older it’ll be easier to grasp the concept. So this got me to thinking about how many people think it’s acceptable to cry. Are there certain times or certain places or people that make it ok? When is it wrong to cry? Is it acceptable for parents to cry in front of their kids? What about the blubbering, ugly crying that you just can’t control? What’s interesting even as adults crying is looked at as a weakness or showing your vulnerability. What is wrong with a little crying when the moment calls for it? I remember as a kid growing up I never saw my dad cry. In fact, the onetime my dad did cry I thought he was pretending to cry just to make me feel better and I started laughing. I was immediately sent up to my room, realizing my mistake. My dad had actually been crying, not joking around. I’m trying to get better with the whole crying thing. Sometimes with kids the crying can be a bit much especially on those days when it seems like every little thing provokes crying. I have a hard time crying in front of others, especially when I don’t want to have to share what it is I might be having feelings about. I am trying to get better at showing my emotions with my children and explaining why mom is crying so that they know that it’s OK to cry and that there is a lot of positive feelings behind crying. By showing your children your range of emotions, it helps teach them that expressing those emotions are normal and a healthy behavior. So go shed a few tears and I bet it’ll make you feel better! Written by Dad (AKA Jon)I’ve always thought of my family as a mini version of the United States. My three girls represent the general public and myself and my wife are the vice president and president because who am I kidding, of course my wife is the president. Several weeks ago, a national disaster hit our nation. I was let go due to a restructuring of the organization I worked for. A career I had spent years developing with several different organizations came to an end, or at least to an immediate halt. Much like a real national disaster, chaos ensued. Would the kids continue daycare? How and when would I find a new job? Would we be able to pay our bills? What about healthcare? Could I’ve prevented losing my job? These were the questions running through my mind and the president’s mind. To be fair, a lot of the questions still run through my mind. The first decision we made was to pull the girls out of daycare. There was no need to continue spending money that we needed when I was home. If getting let go was the national disaster, pulling the kids out of daycare was the beginning of the clean-up process. And it wasn’t and isn’t easy. The president told me to stop feeling sorry for myself. She said a lot of people had it worse and I needed to realize what I was getting here. For all of my girls’ lives, I only ever saw them at night, or on the weekends. I do consider myself an active dad, but the president reminded me that there would be something special about getting to see them every day versus just at supper and right before bed. The first day wasn’t a shock. Taking care of a 10-month old, three-year-old and five-year-old by myself, yeah I had done that on some of my vacation days or weekends. The second day was a shock. The new normal hit me. I wasn’t going to work, I was getting up with the kids again and repeating the day before. It felt like a perpetual weekend. Initially, I was overwhelmed. To do this all over again every day was a little daunting. But, then I started my routine. And even better, I saw the girls in a way that I hadn’t really gotten to before. I understood what the president meant when she said she was sad to put our oldest on the bus and see how big she looked as she waved to us. I have gotten to know our middle child a lot better. When our oldest is at school and the baby naps, the middle one and I get to play. It’s funny to listen to her sing songs to herself and see how she can play so well by herself. It’s also nice to hear her thoughts on things without interruption. She always mentions that she misses her older sister and how she always wants to come along to pick her up from school. It’s also amazing to see my youngest daughter, literally, grow up in front of me. When I got let go, she barely could lift herself off the ground and very rarely did she crawl after me. Now, she can stand easily and wherever I go, she crawls right after me. I wasn’t let go that along ago, but again, it shows how much things can change in a short time and things I may not have noticed if not at home. With all of the amazement, there have been stumbles. You would think after three kids, I would know how to properly lock in the tray on the highchair and let me just say when you don’t lock it properly, it becomes a disaster quickly. As my oldest daughter points out, my hands are too big and shake too much when I try to make a proper bead bracelet. Finally, on the days that are hard, my middle child always makes sure to point out to the president that I was grumpy like the beast from “Beauty and the Beast.” Finally, I’ve gained a new respect for the president. I always respected her, but on the rare days where I was in charge, I always felt like, “hey, I can do this,” all the while thinking tomorrow I go back to work. The president does this every day and still goes to her job. If that isn’t hard work, I don’t know what is. Getting let go does suck, but spending time with my family as I search for my new opportunity has been rewarding. There is no need to feel sorry for myself as I get to spend time with an incredible family. Eventually, I will find a new career and my perpetual weekend with the kids will come to an end. The president is right when she says just being with the kids daily is an opportunity in and of itself. By the way, as the “real” United States embarks on electing a new president, the president in my own household will handedly win reelection. There is no way to be a perfect mother and a million ways to be a good one" Written by Mom (AKA Nicole)Tonight was a hard night.
For the past few weeks, I noticed I wasn’t making enough milk to feed the baby. And it killed me. Literally ate me up inside. With our first, I was able to breastfeed her until she was one. With our middle child, I only made it to six months, in part, because I returned to work full-time and the pumping didn’t go as well as I’d hoped. Now, with our last and final baby, I felt I needed to cherish everything just a little bit longer. Hold on a little more. It’s tough to let go of all of this. |
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